You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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