I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
