theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
