She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
