it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize