I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
