i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
