so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have tasted many bathrooms
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize