NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
