I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
