There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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