The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
