I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
