I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
