he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
