im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
