I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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