fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
