but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
