member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
