I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't deserve a penis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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