I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
