It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need moral support for this bender
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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