You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
