The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
