I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
