Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
