My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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