Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
