id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
