He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
