So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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