People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
