She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
