weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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