idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
