wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
