I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
