ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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