I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
