Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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