Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize