The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
