Where is the hickey?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
