And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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