I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize