Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
