if you like me you must not know who I am
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
