Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
