Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
