ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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