im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
