So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
