Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
