I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Randomize
