i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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