So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
