Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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