I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
