The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
