Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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