Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
