Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
