to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
