Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
