There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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