dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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