my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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