At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
