her vagine was all disorganized.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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