I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
