did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bring me that man meat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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